When Nci and I first started dating, we were both in very similar financial situations aka the notorious broke college student scenario. We both had some income coming in from different endeavors, but nothing really serious. Luckily from the beginning, we’ve always been on the same page when it comes to the topic of money, which is saying a lot. I feel like it can go either way in a relationship because you both were raised probably very differently and have already formed financial habits before you had even met.
But I digress! I think that the one thing that has helped Nci and I in our financial goals is being able to be open and honest about our individual financial situations and talking about it a lot. So in today’s post, I wanted to dive in and share some tips on how to discuss finances with your partner.
Start off slow and generally
Money is such a taboo and touchy topic even for family members, friends, coworkers, etc. So when you’re starting to bring it up in the relationship, you’re going to want to start off slow and in general. One way to start bringing up the topic of money is on dates. Do you feel like your partner is spending lots of money on dates and activities? Bring it up and see what they say. It’s a great way to open up about it and find a solution that works for both of you such as splitting the costs or cooking more at home.
Be honest
From the very beginning, there should be honesty and a “no judgement zone” when it comes to talking about finances together. You can decide together how much you want to share or not to share, but whatever you do share be honest about it. Do you have 50k in student loan debts or filed for bankruptcy before? Those are all things that are important to discuss with your partner when you are ready to share.
Plan your financial goals
I don’t know if it is just Nci and I, but we love making financial goals and being able to actually reach those goals. It’s something so exciting hitting your lofty money goals that you placed in front of yourself even if you don’t get to share it with others. During our regular money meetings, we like to plan and discuss our financial goals, how much do we want to save for each of those goals, and a rough timeline of what we’re hoping for.
Here are some great financial goals to get you inspired:
- 3-6 months worth of expenses for an emergency fund
- Pay off credit cards
- Pay off student loan debt
- Save for a vacation
- Pay off a car loan
Set a money meeting regularly
Once you’ve gotten comfortable with discussing finances with your significant other, set regular money meetings to be able to discuss your current financial state and make sure nothing needs to be adjusted. Sometimes things happen (such as emergencies, vacations that went over budget or any other unexpected expenses), and you may need to recalibrate to reach your joint financial goals. The more that you talk about money with each other, the less awkward the conversations tend to be overtime.
Make it a mission to keep up with credit scores
I’ve talked about credit scores before on the blog (one on how to build your credit and another on how to manage it), but you should be monitoring your credit score regularly. There are a ton of free credit services out there, but the one that I like to use is CreditKarma. They even have an app or you can sign up for email notifications to get alerted anytime there is an inquiry into report or any changes to it.
Talk about your saving/shopping styles
Everyone has a different saving and shopping styles, which is why it’s important to know what style you and your partner fall into. Some people are naturally penny pinchers and tend to save most of their income while others enjoy splurging and enjoying the fruits of their labor. While neither one is better or worse than the other, there does need to be a balance to reach financial freedom and overall wealth.
Personally, I tend to save a decent bit, but I also like to spend in smaller increments constantly. For an example, I’ll go to Target and buy something for $20, then go to Marshalls and do something similar, and so on. I don’t normally spend over $100 in on go unless it’s something for Ava, my health, or the cars that we own. While Nci will save, save, save and then drop a large amount when he needs to. We are very similar but also different which works for us.
Budget or no budget?
I think that a budget can be a good thing for a relationship if you’re serious about taking control of your finances, which in turn is good for your relationship. A budget basically allows you to see where your money is going every month and how you can adjust it to reach your goals. In theory, you will have enough money to pay your bills, save money, and have some left over to enjoy and spend. When it comes to budgeting, you can definitely have two separate budgets in your relationship if you prefer. Titi and I don’t have a budget (mainly because we’re lazy), but we have noticed that we naturally do a 50/30/20 set up if you were wondering.
Be willing to adjust when bumps come up
One lesson that I most definitely learned in 2020 is that life is unpredictable, and you have to learn to go with the flow. The same goes for your financial goals and your financial relationship with your partner. When things come up, be willing to adjust when they come up and keep pushing. For any large emergencies such as a trip to the ER or an unexpected car repair, I would recommend having an emergency fund that you can pull from. This way you won’t have to put the balance on a loan or credit card. It will also elevate some of that stress as well.
Those are my tips on how to have the money talk with your significant other. I know that sometimes it can be awkward and hard to talk about money in the beginning, but I promise it gets so much easier over time. Because at the end of the day, you and your significant partner are a team. In the comments below, share what is one financial advice that you’ve gotten that has changed the game for you?
